WE HAVE NO INTELLIGENCE.

This is likely to be brief based on my current level of fatigue and desire to flop into bed for a (long awaited) nap once I am done.

Yesterday was Miss Anna's birthday and I found myself cheerfully invited to drinks and steak and various other adulthood-enjoying revels! It was quite smashing as, although I arrived early enough to observe the boys playing the dullest American Football game known to man, Anna quickly returned with shopping including (if I remember correctly) a butterknife and champagne - both of which she is now entirely legally allowed to buy! :D

Hayley and her boyfriend (Mike... Milo...no, wait, Martin?!) popped over to say hello and have a chat, which was lovely as I had not seen Hayles since I bumped into her at McDonalds many moons ago, though I think Martin quickly became very unsubtly bored at listening to girly chatting and the like.

James, Louie and Jamesy were all planning to go out on the lash (as one might call it) in town - as naturlich it was James' birthday too! However, I think Louie - it's so hard not to spell that the French way, gosh! - went home because he wasn't feeling so fab, healthwise. ANYWAY - there were candles which spelled amazing words including "EEEGNITE" and German words that weren't, and glorious champagne in flutes that were not nose-friendly.

THEN we watched the wonderful TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE and laughed excessively at the croissant pavements, the man spray-painted bronze and the hilarious rollychair man. :D We also ate ADULT crisps, and put Toy Story peas (i.e. the cutest thing ever) on Boobie the cat (i.e. cutest situation ever) thereby exceeding any preconceived ideas we might have had about something being cute. :)

Following which, I became very sleepy (something that going to bed almost as soon as I got in doesn't seem to have cured).

It was absolutely smashing. :) In every way. Even if the millions of various DVD-playing technologies all rejected the DVD for ages.

Tip top! :D xxx

Domestic(ated) Goddess (+ Revel-ution)

I come to you fresh from doing housework (I know, I know, take a moment to get your head around this rarest and most inconceivable of concepts!) My bathroom, which had been growing increasingly grimy and shit, is now shimmering and sparkling like the porcelain palace it ought to be! Shelves now organised into nice, sensible compartments, toothpaste HQ free of congealed scum and dust evicted left-right-and-centre!

The only thing stopping the Queen taking up direct residence is the massive hole in the ceiling from the last time I tried to do something to make anywhere outside of my bedroom slightly organised. The bath remains a drop-trap for unwitting mice and spiders, but at least now they will be descending into somewhere more pleasant than the loft from whence they come!

Contrary to the impression I've already seared into this blog, scrubbing toilets has not been the most exciting part of my weekend so far. Last night was the fabulous birthday curry bash for my good chums Anna and Sunshine which involved (far too) much Indian food, peach schnapps with pineapple juice and good, old fashioned fun.

(In absolutely every photo I think I have ever been in, I look quite deranged, so I'll just try to justify this with the fact I'd just eaten something indistinguishable from vomit, am absolutely terrible at applying makeup, and lack sufficient melanin to give my eyes a camera-friendly colour... Also, that is Anna, who has eye-makeup skills which verge on godly and who despite having dashing blonde hair is queen of melanin. She is also capable of posing without looking like she is planning to kill the camera with fire...)

Highlight moments of the evening:

Ebony: Oh, but she's such a suck ass.

Georgie: (taking this quite, quite literally) ...SHE SUCKS ASS?

Anna and Emily's stirring rendition of a Flight of the Conchords Megamix (which quickly descended into 'Everything Comes Down To Poo') - actually, there was something of a turd theme. Georgie's chocolate "Vagina" pudding looked somewhat like a plop itself, and regardless what the conversation was, it always turned around to bottoms.

(Aforementioned pud - blame Anna and Emily's collective dirty mind.)

The Scary pervy men, and the banter with the waiting staff, who seemed to think that "Sterling, mate!" meant "Give me a glass, too, mate!" and who ate ALL the puddings.

My Korma was particularly grey and vomit-esque (especially with the addition of egg-fried rice) in all but flavour, the naan breads were gargantuan, and I think all of us came away feeling that we'd had enough curry to last at least four decades (possibly five).

Then, of course, going back to Sunny's mum's man's house (which he BUILT himself, something that STILL blows every braincell I have) and laughing at the ridiculousness that is 'Deep Blue' or something.

"We gave the sharks huge brains...we didn't expect them to GET SMART." "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET ME LOVE YOU."

And also the horrible yellow-dressed badger woman who only WISHED she could sing, as well as beautiful bacon rolls (what do you get if you push a pig down a hill? &c.) for breakfast in the morning. Excellente!

So, in conclusion, you might say that cleaning the bog was actually the LEAST interesting event of the weekend so far, but you know what they say about leaving the best till last, and letting the poo float to the top. (I told you, EVERYthing comes down to poo.)

To quote Miss Sunshine, "Absolutely Sterling!" :D

Let Them Eat Cake (Excessively!)

Today: the awesomest day in Awesome Land. Aware as I am that 'awesomest' is not a word (and indeed that Awesome Land is an utter fabrication and not a place at all, let alone one full of awesome things), today is a day worthy of defying such logic out of sheer excitementiasm!

For one: woke up in a smashing mood; a rare occasion, especially when the weather outside of a morning suggests a sudden-onset Ice Age. Then I was cheerfully reminded that it was Sunshine's birthday, by a bright spotty box of goodies and the prospect of much cake and merriment flooded my mind!

I was not disappointed. Cakes Galore! I cannot explain adequately the proportion of cake:people that was going on, even as I arrived. This was before Jess brought her own colossal chocolate cake with added cake-shaped-sponge which, amid the marass of cakiness, could very easily have been mistaken for further baked delights!

Highlight of the day, however, was not the cake (though I do suspect the butter-icing in the butter-fly cakes is the reason for my sustained joviality even this late in the evening) but was the present opening! I love presents, for some reason even more when they are for other people, because there is nothing more lovely than watching people getting things they like!

The most intense example of this being the revelation (aptly left till last due to bold letters declaring 'OPEN ME LAST!') of Anna's picture book. Without having a photo of it, I cannot hope to impress upon you the adorableness of said book, which even went so far as to have THREE-DIMENSIONS. The only thing that could top the thing itself was the reaction - tears abound.

For the second time in recent weeks the 'group cry' mentality could be applied. This time, however, it was nothing to do with application stress, or school-based cabin fever. Regardless of being neither giver nor receiver of said book, I was welling up in a serious way.

That takes the cake (not all of it, nobody could possibly take ALL of that) for the most touching moment of the year so far and, perhaps the most hilarious came mere moments afterwards.

If you are aware of Harry Potter, and are aware of Hogwarts School and, and are aware of the grand tradition (though apparently occurring only once for Harry's generation) of The Hogwarts School Song, you will be better able to picture what 'Happy Birthday to You' entailed. Everyone, different pitches and tunes, attempting not to die of laughter whilst singing (at great volume) Sunshine's birthday song. Literal death by laughter, right there.

The only downer was that it had to end so soon - the bell dragging us all in our separate ways to a premature (and frankly poor excuse for a) quiz, and more lessons.

Latin was a laugh (but that is nothing new and ought to be taken as standard), and I managed to get much too involved in an English essay about Carlo. I welled up, for the second time today, that's how involved we are talking about.

All in all, what with a high sugar intake and low stress levels, today was beautiful. :D