WE HAVE NO INTELLIGENCE.

This is likely to be brief based on my current level of fatigue and desire to flop into bed for a (long awaited) nap once I am done.

Yesterday was Miss Anna's birthday and I found myself cheerfully invited to drinks and steak and various other adulthood-enjoying revels! It was quite smashing as, although I arrived early enough to observe the boys playing the dullest American Football game known to man, Anna quickly returned with shopping including (if I remember correctly) a butterknife and champagne - both of which she is now entirely legally allowed to buy! :D

Hayley and her boyfriend (Mike... Milo...no, wait, Martin?!) popped over to say hello and have a chat, which was lovely as I had not seen Hayles since I bumped into her at McDonalds many moons ago, though I think Martin quickly became very unsubtly bored at listening to girly chatting and the like.

James, Louie and Jamesy were all planning to go out on the lash (as one might call it) in town - as naturlich it was James' birthday too! However, I think Louie - it's so hard not to spell that the French way, gosh! - went home because he wasn't feeling so fab, healthwise. ANYWAY - there were candles which spelled amazing words including "EEEGNITE" and German words that weren't, and glorious champagne in flutes that were not nose-friendly.

THEN we watched the wonderful TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE and laughed excessively at the croissant pavements, the man spray-painted bronze and the hilarious rollychair man. :D We also ate ADULT crisps, and put Toy Story peas (i.e. the cutest thing ever) on Boobie the cat (i.e. cutest situation ever) thereby exceeding any preconceived ideas we might have had about something being cute. :)

Following which, I became very sleepy (something that going to bed almost as soon as I got in doesn't seem to have cured).

It was absolutely smashing. :) In every way. Even if the millions of various DVD-playing technologies all rejected the DVD for ages.

Tip top! :D xxx

That is all.

Domestic(ated) Goddess (+ Revel-ution)

I come to you fresh from doing housework (I know, I know, take a moment to get your head around this rarest and most inconceivable of concepts!) My bathroom, which had been growing increasingly grimy and shit, is now shimmering and sparkling like the porcelain palace it ought to be! Shelves now organised into nice, sensible compartments, toothpaste HQ free of congealed scum and dust evicted left-right-and-centre!

The only thing stopping the Queen taking up direct residence is the massive hole in the ceiling from the last time I tried to do something to make anywhere outside of my bedroom slightly organised. The bath remains a drop-trap for unwitting mice and spiders, but at least now they will be descending into somewhere more pleasant than the loft from whence they come!

Contrary to the impression I've already seared into this blog, scrubbing toilets has not been the most exciting part of my weekend so far. Last night was the fabulous birthday curry bash for my good chums Anna and Sunshine which involved (far too) much Indian food, peach schnapps with pineapple juice and good, old fashioned fun.

(In absolutely every photo I think I have ever been in, I look quite deranged, so I'll just try to justify this with the fact I'd just eaten something indistinguishable from vomit, am absolutely terrible at applying makeup, and lack sufficient melanin to give my eyes a camera-friendly colour... Also, that is Anna, who has eye-makeup skills which verge on godly and who despite having dashing blonde hair is queen of melanin. She is also capable of posing without looking like she is planning to kill the camera with fire...)

Highlight moments of the evening:

Ebony: Oh, but she's such a suck ass.

Georgie: (taking this quite, quite literally) ...SHE SUCKS ASS?

Anna and Emily's stirring rendition of a Flight of the Conchords Megamix (which quickly descended into 'Everything Comes Down To Poo') - actually, there was something of a turd theme. Georgie's chocolate "Vagina" pudding looked somewhat like a plop itself, and regardless what the conversation was, it always turned around to bottoms.

(Aforementioned pud - blame Anna and Emily's collective dirty mind.)

The Scary pervy men, and the banter with the waiting staff, who seemed to think that "Sterling, mate!" meant "Give me a glass, too, mate!" and who ate ALL the puddings.

My Korma was particularly grey and vomit-esque (especially with the addition of egg-fried rice) in all but flavour, the naan breads were gargantuan, and I think all of us came away feeling that we'd had enough curry to last at least four decades (possibly five).

Then, of course, going back to Sunny's mum's man's house (which he BUILT himself, something that STILL blows every braincell I have) and laughing at the ridiculousness that is 'Deep Blue' or something.

"We gave the sharks huge brains...we didn't expect them to GET SMART." "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET ME LOVE YOU."

And also the horrible yellow-dressed badger woman who only WISHED she could sing, as well as beautiful bacon rolls (what do you get if you push a pig down a hill? &c.) for breakfast in the morning. Excellente!

So, in conclusion, you might say that cleaning the bog was actually the LEAST interesting event of the weekend so far, but you know what they say about leaving the best till last, and letting the poo float to the top. (I told you, EVERYthing comes down to poo.)

To quote Miss Sunshine, "Absolutely Sterling!" :D

Nonsense.

मों < फॉर सम रासों आईटी हस देसिदेद तो ट्रांस्लाते माय ब्लॉग इन्तो Hindi.

Anyway, now THAT little problemski is fixed, let me tell you why I am here. My good chum Sunshine showed me a commentary she wrote (as I have to jump through the old commentary-hoop for uni, so thought it would be handy if I had an idea of what I was talking about...) and we found this rather obscure little mot 'non-sequitur'.

This is wikipedia's spectacular example of aforementioned:

"Q: How many surrealist painters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fish."

(Oh, how we laughed!)

I am now able to define absolute nonsense in an excellent and latin-based way- hurrah for that!

I laughed at this far too much.

I also cannot construct sentences this evening. Everything I have written thus far is shit.Shitty shitty shit shit. I am going to give up for now and read Man in the High Castle and think about grammar. I am also going to make angel delight and eat all of it. Screw you, lack of appetite.

And stop using the word 'as' to convey events. Kristos!

Barriers To Civil Rights: A Ballad.

There once was a man called Booker,
Who wondered what civil rights were –
His accomodationist aim,
Led to political fame,
Until some problems began to occur…


Without sufficient organisation,
He put emphasis on education,
“If we want some improvement,
We don’t need a movement,
We should focus upon work preparation.”


Though the white men turned in his favour,
Others trust in him began to waver.
His best chum Du Bois,
Said he “ you won’t get very far,
Through such accepting and conformist behaviour.”


Most black people lacked land and employment,
And had no money to aid life’s enjoyment,
So they formed a committee,
To take on New York City,
And assert their general discontent.


The South weren’t so fond of such sights
As the pressure groups wanting their rights,
The KKK took to lynching,
The Deep South unflinching,
In the Supreme Court, corruption ignites.


Jim Crow’s laws enforced race segregation,
Which depended on state destination,
Southern court collusion,
Prevented black inclusion,
And led to further social degradation.

What ho!

First off, I have a horrid recurring sore throat. It returns at 9pm almost exactly, and endures until about 11am every day. God knows what's up with it.

Anyway, I have spent a large part of this evening reading P.G. Wodehouse stories aloud to myself with great enthusiasm. I have my Bertie Wooster and Jeeves voices PERFECTED, though I also really enjoyed doing a painfully gruff and proper one for the Duke of Chiswick (possibly hence enhanced throat issues...) I have strong opinions on this, and I'm going to throw it out there for the world to see - Wodehousian slang needs a mass revival, what! From now on, I am going to make it my job to include more than simply the occasional expeditionary TALLY HO!

Once I was done with that reading lark, I set to tidying up my bookshelves (which had become disastrous and painful to look at), and in doing so rediscovered my OCD tendencies whenever it comes to tidying anything. I have now got separate (and dashed well tidy!) shelves for my classics, my reading guides, my as of now alphabetised general books, my reference books, my non-fiction garb and, of course, the kiddies series shelf remains! In addition, I now have a rather spiffing audiobook shelf, for all those cassettes I don't have a player for, and such like.

I feel dashed accomplished, I'll have you know. Capital idea, it was, too. :)